Not Another Cliche
by Tacky Socks
Summary: Another one of those stories that makes fun of what people do wrong in fanfiction. Please don't be offended, I'm one of those writers myself. I just thought this was funny. Rated for mild language.


Author's Note: "Wow, well, here we go! I've read a lot of cliché fics lately, so I decided to write one myself. This one is a DHr cliché, because those are the types of stories I usually write. And please don't be offended if you do some of these things, because I do too. If you don't believe me, read any of my other stories. But it's fun to write this type of fic because you get to purposefully make it bad. Also, I've been told that my story is hard to read because it's not indented or double spaced or whatever, but it shows up fine on my Microsoft word, so it's probably just something with the program. Sorry about that, I'll try to fix it, but it might not have worked. But enjoy anyways!"

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Disclaimer: "I do not own any of the Characters in this story. They all belong to Tacky Socks."  
  
"Very good, Mrs. Rowling. Now here are those photos of you in Bermuda..."  
  
JK snatches the pictures and tears them up.  
  
"And for all of _you_ out there who are reading this story, if you've written one yourself, you owe me royalties! I'll find you, I swear it! ...ahem. Ok, now that we've gotten that out of the way, enjoy!"

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Hermione walked out of her surprisingly large house in a normal muggle neighborhood in a ridiculously skanky outfit to meet her uncharacteristically popular and girly friends. They all met her with squeals as they surrounded her in a group hug, further identifying themselves as the stereotypical airheads they were. 

"Oh my goodness Minnie! It's been so long since we've seen you!" Karri, one of Hermione's best muggle friends exclaimed, not bothering to ask how her friend was or even to call her by the right name. The truth was, all of Hermione's friends called her Minnie. Why? Well, no one's really quite sure. Perhaps it was because Minnie was easier to pronounce than Hermione; or perhaps it was because Minnie's just shorter than Hermione – because we all know saying one extra syllable is just a waste of time; or maybe it was simply because none of her friends knew her real name and they all thought she had really big ears. Whatever the reason, that was what they called her, and Hermione had never bothered to correct them.

"Yeah Minnie! We've missed you so much! Wow, you've changed a lot since we saw you last! You look really hott!" Kimmi, another one of Hermione's friends added, not realizing how awkward this comment would make most people feel, or else just not caring.

"Well thanks guys. I've missed you guys so much too! It's been so long since I've seen you, what with me being at school during the year and then being at my other friend's house every other summer..." Hermione beamed, trailing off at the end.

"Yeah...say, why aren't you at your friend's house this summer, Minnie?" Kimmi asked. Hermione just stared blankly at her, not knowing quite what to say, until she heard a voice from behind her.

"Perhaps I can help," the author butted in, appearing from nowhere. "You see, I obviously didn't think this part through, because by all reasoning, she should be at her other friend's house. So I came with the simple excuse that Ron's house was being taken over by a swarm of crazy, over-intelligent apes and his mother didn't want another mouth to feed. Hope that clears things up for you," the author finished, smiling as if she knew what she was talking about. Hermione's friends both seemed to buy this excuse without question, no matter how ridiculous it seemed. After all, they reasoned, this woman is the author, so she must know everything.

"That's good enough for me!" Karri said.

"But wait! The author can't be part of the story...that doesn't make any sense. The readers will get confused and it will totally take away from the realistic nature of it all!" Kimmi interjected.

"How realistic do you think this story was to begin with? It's a parody on a story about witches and wizards. Honestly, I think you're giving my readers too much credit," the author defended herself. (If you're offended, feel free to tell me in your review) "That's really all I needed to say anyway. I'll go now...right after I change your name," she said, pointing at Kimmi. "I had a friend named Kimmi once and I hated her. She was a real bitch. Your name is now Kammi. But don't worry, I doubt anyone will even notice."

"But I like my name! You can't just change it! You're not my mother!" Kammi/Kimmi protested.

"Actually, I am," the author replied.

"Since when?!"

"Since I said so..."

"You can't just make yourself my mother!"

"I am the author, I can do whatever I want. Now be quiet and get back to the story or you're grounded!" Kammi pouted dramatically before trying to pick up from where she left off.

"Well, it's great to have you here this summer!" Kammi exclaimed unenthusiastically. "We should do something that we supposedly do all the time – even though we just confirmed that we haven't seen you at all in the past five years – like go to a stranger's party!"

"Wow, that's a great idea Kammi! Let's go!" Hermione, also known as Minnie, agreed.

"Don't I ever get another line?" Karri asked.

"Don't worry Karri. It might seem like I forgot about you, but you'll pop out of nowhere at a later and much more convenient time. Now let's go to the party! Come on Kammi!" Hermione explained.

"What? The party's right now?" Kammi asked, surprised.

"Yes, see that's my fault again," the author, now known as Kammi's mom, interrupted once again. "See, I grow impatient, and since this is my first fanfic – which it always is no matter how many I've actually written – I tend to skip ahead and make things go unnaturally fast, no matter how unrealistic it may seem at the time."

"Ok...but shouldn't we at least tell our parents that we're going out and take an outrageously long time to change our clothes while you explain every detail of what we're wearing to the readers?" Kammi challenged.

"No need! Your parents will just assume you've gone out with me and not bother to check up on you the entire night. And you don't need to take hours deciding what to wear because I happen to know a highly useful spell that will change your clothes into the perfect outfit for you. So you see, we're ready to go! But wait!" Hermione said, pulling a mirror out of her deceptively large jean pocket. "We can't go before I change my hair so that it looks really punk and matches my even more skanky outfit!"

"Sorry, what were we thinking?!" Kammi asked genuinely, holding up her – "And STOP calling me Kammi! I hate that name! I want to be called Kimmi again! I don't care if you knew someone by that name who was a bitch!"

"Well look, you can either be called Kammi, or be a bitch. It's your choice...dear," Kimmi/Kammi's mother/ the author said sternly.

"I'd rather be a bitch!" Kimmi/Kammi shouted.

"It looks like you already are one..." Kimmi/Kammi's mom/ the author muttered under her breath. "Fine, fine. I'll call you Kimmi from now on, as long as you are a bitch."

"Darn straight you will!" Kimmi said, trying to sound tough.

"Ok guys, now let me change your clothes and hair!" Hermione/Minnie said excitedly. "And then we can go to the stranger's party!"

Hours later, when the girls arrived at the party –

"I thought you said that we wouldn't take hours to get ready because of your highly useful spell Hermione!" Kimmi pointed out, already abandoning the poor nickname for her friend. Hermione looked towards the author for some help, but unfortunately the author was hiding fairly well behind a large tree, so she offered no help.

"I guess it just took us that long to walk here?" Hermione answered unsurely.

"Well let's go in 'Mione," Kammi said, adopting a new nickname for her friend already. "...ya' skank!" she added, realizing that she was supposed to be a bitch, otherwise the other would keep calling her Kammi just to spite her. She pushed Hermione, formerly known as Minnie, out of her way as she entered the house. Hermione followed her in.

Of course everyone stopped and stared as Hermione entered, wearing her beautiful short, red, tube top dress, with blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah sequin blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah strapless blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah bold blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah sheer blah blah blah blah blah blah blah sexy blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah roses blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah black blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah accents blah blah blah blah blah necklace blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah silver blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah diamond blah blah blah blah blah blah blah glass blah blah blah blah blah blah baby spice blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah perfume blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and her hair hanging wildly at her sides.

Ok, so like I said, everyone was staring. The music probably stopped playing as well, so not to distract everyone else – girls and guys alike – from staring at Hermione. Hermione just smiled devilishly at everyone for no apparent reason as she grabbed a random, yet no doubt uber hott, guy to dance with (the music had obviously started up again by now.) Soon, Hermione heard her friend calling to her.

"Minnie!" Kammi called to her from the couch, finally remembering what she was supposed to call her. "I want you to meet the person who threw this wild party! Meet my long lost twin brother, Draco Malfoy!"

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And for liability purposes, I suppose I should say that I was kidding at the beginning. Yes, that's what I _should_ do. Now please review!


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